Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Aaron 5N

I just finished this legend. I would love some feedback!
Thanks,Aaron
The Legend of Chiaki Park
This is not one of those dinky ghost stories. This is not imaginary. Sit back.
A long time ago, there lived a great nation called the Chiakis. They had built up a great nation. For eight years, their ingenious irrigation system brought water and their crops prospered, the game was plentiful, and the Chiakis ate well. Yet good luck does not last forever.
For 12 years after the eight, the Chiaki’s irrigation system failed to bring water to the crops, the crops withered and died, the game skirted around the high rim of the canyon. The surrounding higher cliffs grew lush and plentiful, but they could not reach it. They had become too weak. Almost all the Chiakis died four years into this terrible famine
Europeans came, but passed by when they saw the barren canyon. When they built roads, they built around the canyon, but what not many people know is that a group of about 14 of the original Chiakis decided to flee. They later advised Theodore Roosevelt to create a national park in the canyon and name it Chiaki Park. When the park lodges were being constructed a tablet reading ‘follow our fate’ was destroyed. You see, the Chiakis were famous for their magic stone tablets. They traded them with all the other countries. In fact, King Tutankhamen’s curse “death on swift wings” was made by the Chiakis. Back to the legend.
The fate of the Chiakis was that they dissipated into nothing. When the Park was finished, all the workers ceased to exist. Well, they still thought they existed, and they weren’t dead, but under records their name was erased. All the workers thought their eyes were playing tricks on them and they weren’t really invisible. One worker tried to smash a mug, but his hand went right through. Nothing..
Since then, no one has come out of Chiaki Park. Whole school groups are gone overnight. Caravans, RVs, hikers, everyone disappears as if they’re wearing all green on a green screen.
So when you sleep tonight, remember the workers, who were never remembered. Remember the victims of the Chiaki Park curse. Remember nothing. NOTHING.

11 comments:

  1. Pretty sweet summary dude! you gotta tel me more!



    -alejandro

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  2. Aaron that was a great summary. You Have a gift.
    Henry

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  3. Yeah Aaron! YHou are a GREAT summerizre!!!!! You really can explain a GOOD story! I am now for surley to read it!!!

    Julia W

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  4. awesome story aaron that truly takes skill and you got it

    -GIA

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  5. The "they built a great nation" is slightly redundant. other than that, WOW!



    Motor Man Grey

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  6. Aaron,
    I really like your word choice and how you described everything really good. I got a really good picture in my head. Your story is also thrilling. I love it. You should make a book of that.

    Lucy B

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  7. Aaron, THAT WAS AMAZING. I wish I could write as good as you can. You r an AMAZING WRITER.


    Elaina N.

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  8. Aaron,

    great summary! you got wat it takes 2 rite! i cant wait 4 ur next summary! tell me a little more and itll be a Must Read!!!!!!!!!!!!!


    -Charles

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  9. great word choice! but it was kind of hard to follow, but overall great!

    Holly C

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  10. omg i agree it was totaly awesome i cant find the words to say it but you need to teach the other 74 students to write like that i mean you need a special skill to write like that and you got that special skill.

    *Natalie

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  11. thank you everybody but this is what I wrot . I can tell some of you thought it was a summary of a book. OK. Thanks.
    -aaron

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